Where to begin? Well it began at the beginning of the week, but I can't think about that right now.
I want to write everything down, I don't want to forget a thing, because every minute of the day I'm thinking about the day you come back to me, come back to us. You're still you, even when you can;t remember what that means, and I see you're searching, searching for the right words and the right memories that fit what you're seeing, what you're hearing.
You'll be back, and I want you to know how hard you've worked every day to find your way back. To me. To us. We're going to be better than ever.
Today Roger Ho visited you early in the day, and he hadn't seen you since you were in the ER. You greeted him with a "Hi Roger," and told your nurse, Bea, "That's my brother." She quizzed you about what your name is, and you replied "Jon." Roger chatted away like any regular day, and you nodded and made the usual "yeahs" and "uh huhs" typical of your back and forth, so much so that Roger had no idea what the last 48 hours has been. That yesterday you parroted back the same question I asked you, that you looked at me confused and blank. That at times you seem startled by everything.
So the day swings high and low, between moments when you're clearly here, and moments when it's harder to tell.
Lucky for you, your OT specialist, Linda, is bilingual, just like you. She tested you in English and Chinese, and lucky you, Roger was here at the same time. So you got to hear people talking to you and asking you questions in Cantonese. You didn't speak back in Cantonese, but lifted your leg just like she asked you to, so you understood what she was saying. Roger slipped into Cantonese too, like his habit is, and when I parroted out the few Chinese phrases I know, you gave me the "lady, YOU don't speak no Chinese" look that you have from time to time, and you clearly knew what was what.
I chatted away for a while, and sometimes you don't respond, and that's okay. And sometimes you say "Yes Min," in that brush-off way you do when you're not really listening to me, and that's even better.
Today I put on Nanci Griffith's "Other Voices, Other Rooms," and you sang along a line from one of the songs, just like you always do in your horribly off-key way. Now she's singing "are you tired of me my darling? Answer me only with your eyes." I'll take any answer at all.
Love you like crazy,
Min
I want to write everything down, I don't want to forget a thing, because every minute of the day I'm thinking about the day you come back to me, come back to us. You're still you, even when you can;t remember what that means, and I see you're searching, searching for the right words and the right memories that fit what you're seeing, what you're hearing.
You'll be back, and I want you to know how hard you've worked every day to find your way back. To me. To us. We're going to be better than ever.
Today Roger Ho visited you early in the day, and he hadn't seen you since you were in the ER. You greeted him with a "Hi Roger," and told your nurse, Bea, "That's my brother." She quizzed you about what your name is, and you replied "Jon." Roger chatted away like any regular day, and you nodded and made the usual "yeahs" and "uh huhs" typical of your back and forth, so much so that Roger had no idea what the last 48 hours has been. That yesterday you parroted back the same question I asked you, that you looked at me confused and blank. That at times you seem startled by everything.
So the day swings high and low, between moments when you're clearly here, and moments when it's harder to tell.
Lucky for you, your OT specialist, Linda, is bilingual, just like you. She tested you in English and Chinese, and lucky you, Roger was here at the same time. So you got to hear people talking to you and asking you questions in Cantonese. You didn't speak back in Cantonese, but lifted your leg just like she asked you to, so you understood what she was saying. Roger slipped into Cantonese too, like his habit is, and when I parroted out the few Chinese phrases I know, you gave me the "lady, YOU don't speak no Chinese" look that you have from time to time, and you clearly knew what was what.
I chatted away for a while, and sometimes you don't respond, and that's okay. And sometimes you say "Yes Min," in that brush-off way you do when you're not really listening to me, and that's even better.
Today I put on Nanci Griffith's "Other Voices, Other Rooms," and you sang along a line from one of the songs, just like you always do in your horribly off-key way. Now she's singing "are you tired of me my darling? Answer me only with your eyes." I'll take any answer at all.
Love you like crazy,
Min
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